Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need to sanitize my soul.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize