you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
