Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize