Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Enjoy the penises
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
