If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
handjob tips. give me some.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize