is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize