proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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