Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
COCAINE IS GR8
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
