Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
