Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
