I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
from now on my penis is your penis
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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