There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
