..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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