how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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