forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
