just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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