omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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