Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize