If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize