Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
