i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
