just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
