i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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