i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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