We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
