Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
