Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
