every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
