I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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