everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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