ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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