At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
