I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
