Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
