So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Welp...herpes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
