loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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