How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
