I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just cut my nipple shaving
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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