my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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