Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm getting married
To pizza
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All the doctor said was why
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
