God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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