Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sober January is a disaster.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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