you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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