i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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