i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
