No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
