I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
