It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
