Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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