I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
