is your mom at the bar?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
