she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
