after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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