New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
