I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
