Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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