Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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