I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
