Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
