He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
