Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
