the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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