We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize