dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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