I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ladies don't puke and tell
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
