THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
