Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
