you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
