Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nicole vs. Life
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
