well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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