You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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