Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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