i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
