I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
