ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
