remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
