Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
